Doing away with the Sit of Shame

Posted on January 5, 2012 | Leave a comment

I spent an hour in the Family Planning Clinic at the Health Department this morning, doing the Sit of Shame with about a dozen other people.

Although I was there to joyfully confirm a planned pregnancy and get lined up for Medicaid, nobody else knew that. As far as they were concerned, I may as well have had gonorrhea like the married guy begging for an appointment at the front counter, or been on my way to talk to the RN about abortion options like the nervous lady across the waiting room.

But I've been those folks before (ok not the gonorrhea guy, but definitely the abortion lady). Everybody has been those folks before. And while we all kinda avoid eye contact and hope to be as anonymous as possible during the Sit of Shame, all that psychological pressure is bullshit.

There's no shame in an unintended pregnancy, or in a rogue case of the crabs. Those kinds of things can happen to sexually active folks, no matter how good their intentions are or how sexually responsible they are.

So let's do away with this whole Sit of Shame thing and make the Health Department waiting room a place where we can just acknowledge that shit happens.

And to all the folks I tried to be friendly with this morning: lighten up. I know you're embarrassed to be here, patient. And nurse, maybe working in a family planning clinic isn't a dream job for you like it would be for me. But the fact that we all are here this morning is evidence enough that shit happens.

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Posted in Reproductive Health

It worked! It really was that easy! I’m pregnant :)

Posted on January 4, 2012 | Leave a comment

Not much to say here, because the jubilation has taken over my brain and I’m feeling a little happy-drunk.

On New Year’s Eve, I peed on a stick and saw two pink lines.  I then jumped up and down, squeeled a bit, and showed my partner.

His first reaction?  Sex.  I love that man.

His second reaction?  Text messaging the above photo to all of our relatives, calling lots of people, and then posting the photo to Facebook (more on why that’s a bad idea later).

I’ve very literally been emotionally and physiologically high for days since finding out.  I seriously feel a bit intoxicated, and as I’m not drinking these days, I can only imagine that’s from the crazy joyful hormones I’m pumping around.

Emotionally I’m just overwhelmed with a sense of things being right.  And not just in comparison to the other times I’ve found out I was pregnant, which were much less graceful.  I mean ‘a sense of things being right’ in a broader sense.

I can honestly say that finding out about this pregnancy was one of the genuine happiest moments of my life.  And I’m talking happiest moments–akin to the moments I married my partner and birthed our daughter.

Sounds dramatic, I know.  But so much of life involves making concessions, navigating around obstacles, and cutting things close–not this pregnancy.  Everything about it is right, and that’s a rare feeling.

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Posted in Pregnancy

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Thanks for being here, and here’s to a new year.

Posted on January 1, 2012 | Leave a comment

Yesterday, as I thought about 2011 being one of the best years of my life, it was clear that this blog was a part of that best-ness.

There are more readers than ever before–views increased 720% from 8,600 in 2010 to 62,000 in 2011.

There are more comments than ever before–with some posts garnering 40, 50, 60 comments, there’s some real dialogue going on here.

And I’m just plain-ol’ more excited about it than ever before.  This blog has lasted 2 1/2 years in my over-stuffed life, and it’s not going anywhere any time soon.  In fact, I have significant (and pretty badass) plans for it in this new year.

Anyway, thanks for being here, and here’s to a new year.

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You were a crappy pregnancy test, anyway.

Posted on December 29, 2011 | Leave a comment

Dear pink and white plastic stick,

I know I’m supposed to wait until 6 stays before my period before asking you to do your job.  And I know today is 8 days before my period.  But would it really be that hard for you to just step up and give me some good news?

I should shut up and stop telling the whole Internet what I peed on today. But you pissed me off.

You and your lonely single pink line suck.

You were a crappy pregnancy test, anyway.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Not-Pregnant-Yet-According-To-You

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Posted in Pregnancy

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Watch out, Target! The mamas are coming for you.

Posted on December 28, 2011 | 7 Comments

In the last 24 hours, I’ve received Facebook invitations to *more than 40* nurse-in events all taking place simultaneously tomorrow at Target stores across the country.  What did Target do to gain the wrath of the mama-sphere, you ask?

From an online group about the incident that started it all:

Recently a mama was nursing her babe in a local Houston area Target. When she was asked to move to a private location, she refused, and was harassed and humiliated by three separate employees. She then called Target’s corporate customer service number and was told by a representative, and then her supervisor that they were aware of the laws, but …that just because something is lawful doesn’t mean its acceptable in their store.

Let’s show them just how many mamas they’ve offended. We have a right to shop and meet our babies’ needs while doing so. Public humiliation for doing so will not be tolerated.

These lactivists have called for an international nurse-in event today at Target stores around the globe.  So if you’re near a Target, grab your babe and head on over for a snack.  And if you’re not lactating, grab a doll and pretend.

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Posted in Breastfeeding

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There’s something romantic about trying to conceive.

Posted on December 15, 2011 | Leave a comment

Maybe it’s obvious to some folks, but I’ve been surprised by how sweet, loving, romantic, and sexy my relationship with my partner has been in the last week.

And it’s not the conception sex–in reality, that’s only been a couple times.

It’s getting home from work to find a gorgeous dinner on the table, with 3 kinds of greens included in the spread.  Why’d he make Brussels sprouts, asparagus AND spinach salad?  Because “greens are supposed to be good for getting pregnant,” according to my incredible partner.

It’s him casually poking my stomach in a prodding kind of way anytime someone mentions baby-having.

I think we’ve done so much griping about how tough parenthood is, that seeing my partner anxious to make a baby is really strange.  And really (really really really really really) awesome.

We never did this part before–the planning a pregnancy, the anticipation of when we’d get pregnant and when the baby would be due.  We did more of the ‘Oh shit!’ routine last time around.  And the ‘Oh shit!’ routine was fine and worked out beautifully, but this time is turning out to be more fun than I expected.

Aside from all of the giddiness that comes along with the idea of a new baby, this experience is also bringing a reminder that we’re great parents and that we make a great couple.

A reminder that parenting is a crazy fun adventure, a ride that we deserve to go on again.

A reminder that our daughter will make one fly big sister.

And reminder that the monotonous grind hasn’t actually devoured our souls (or our relationship) yet.

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Posted in Pregnancy

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Ibu Robin Lim Brings Midwifery to the Forefront (and wins $300k) as CNN’s Hero of the Year 2011

Posted on December 12, 2011 | Leave a comment

When I met Ibu Robin Lim last year, she was promoting the documentary Guerrilla Midwife and selling t-shirts to fundraise for her Yayasan Bumi Sehat midwifery clinics in Bali.  Today, she’s basking in the glow of having just been named CNN’s 2011 Hero of the Year.

When I met Ibu Robin Lim last year, she was promoting her new film and selling t-shirts as a fundraiser. Yesterday she was named CNN's 2011 Hero of the Year. I should've bought a t-shirt!

This award isn’t just a gracious nod to all of her hard work.  Rather, it has the potential to move midwifery care forward exponentially, both here in the US, in Bali, and internationally.  It has the potential to skyrocket Ibu Robin and Bumi Sehat’s goals from being ambitious, to being met.

For a few days, everyone who logs onto CNN.com or watches CNN News will know who she is, what she does, and why.  Media consumers will have the concept of gentle birth brought right into their daily lives, whether or not they’re pregnant or involved in mother-baby care at all.

And aside from the massive media attention and the momentum that this could create, there’s also the $300,000 grant that comes along with the award.  That will help, too.

Congratulations to Ibu Robin Lim, the Yayasan Bumi Sehat community, and every family who will ever benefit from this work and this award.

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Posted in Midwifery

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Making a Baby – Maybe?

Posted on December 11, 2011 | 5 Comments

I really thought one of us would chicken out.  We’ve been talking about conceiving a second child this month – December 2011 – for at least a year.  This month is here, and neither of us has chickened out.

We're ready for #2! Is #2 ready for us?

I know it’s enormously presumptuous, and a huge privilege, to have the health to just decide to make another baby.  And I can’t help but keep thinking we might be jinxing ourselves by expecting it to be so easy.

After all, the conception of our first wee one came only 4 months into our relationship, and after several doses of Plan B along the way.  That was years ago, and the contrast between our lives then and now couldn’t be any starker.  We’re a happy, healthy, crazy-fun family who’s ready to grow by one.

But to think that we could just “conceive a baby in December” discounts the monumental struggle that many families face around fertility and conception.  My sister fought to conceive for 13 years, doing round after round of IVF and hormone treatments, and finally giving up. I watched from the outside how difficult that was for her and her husband, and I’d never want to experience that, or neglect to honor the value of their struggle.

So amidst what appears to be a calm/cool/collected and intentional decision to conceive, I can’t ignore the sense of concern that’s creeping up on me.  Concern about how realistic it is to expect to conceive right away, and concern about sounding pompous with all this “we’re going to conceive this month” business.

Maybe we’ll really have to work for this one, like so many people do.  Or maybe it really will be that easy again.

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Posted in Pregnancy

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Circle A Farm: 3 Acres of Food & Family – My article in HipMama #50, the Home Issue

Posted on December 8, 2011 | Leave a comment

The new issue #50 of HipMama Zine is out, and page 18 is sporting a mighty cute picture of some mama weeding a garden with a kiddo on her back.  Woh, that’s my kid!  And that’s me!

Here’s a snippet from my article “3 Acres of Food & Family” in the Home Issue of HipMama:

I was one of those folks who fantasized about motherhood, marriage, and creating a home for my family.  Yes, I’m a radical, post-feminist anarchist, but I still wanted a ring and a big pregnant belly.  When I imagined my future, I saw a couple of acres of vegetables, animals, grass, trees, community, kids and a partner.  I saw a sweet little farm and a sweet little family.

But while all this imagining was going on, there was also a lot of living in cars, crashing in warehouses, and scrounging up enough change to buy a can of black beans to eat for dinner.  There was a marriage and a divorce; there was alcohol; there was poverty, and a whole lot of the other things that come along with it.  There were a lot of circumstances, opportunities and choices standing between me and my acres-of-the-perfect-life.

I never sat down and made a plan of how to get from there to here, but somehow, it happened.  A decade into adulthood, I now spend every day amidst a vibrant tapestry of all those things I dreamed about–a ridiculous, redheaded three year old, a herd of goats and a flock of hens, an orchard, an acre garden, and its fabulous farmer, my partner.  Somehow, with very little planning but an enormous amount of intention and work, I got here, to the Circle A Farm.

For the rest of my story, and for loads and loads more inspiring stories from mamas across the spectrum of mama-hood, order a copy of hipMama Zine #50 here.

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Posted in Radical Parenting

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Dream Job Alert: The Birth Attendants are Now Hiring for Prison Doulas in Olympia, WA

Posted on November 11, 2011 | 3 Comments

It’s not often that your dream job comes along, but I just found mine.  The Birth Attendants in Olympia, WA are now hiring for Direct Service Doulas…yes, you read that right: a paid position providing doula services for incarcerated pregnant folks.

The Birth Attendants are hiring Direct Service Doulas. This includes 2 hours of weekly collective meetings in Olympia and between 16-24 hours a month of direct service support in the women’s prison in Gig Harbor – on Fridays only.

FOR AN APPLICATION PLEASE EMAIL birthattendants@gmail.com.  APPLICATION DEADLINE MIDNIGHT DECEMBER 2nd ; Interviews will be scheduled on December 9th.

Experience in Reproductive Justice, prisoner advocacy, childbirth education, family planning and as a doula are encouraged yet not required. Drivers License required. Parents are encouraged to apply.

The Birth Attendants is a grassroots collective that aims to support the human rights of reproductive freedom and self-determination for pregnant and post-partum people in prison by providing informational, physical and emotional resources and by creating dialogue and action that critically examines and resists ways the prison system divides our communities.

Why, oh why, do I live in Colorado?  If you’re in the area and feel as compelled by this opportunity as I do, please apply.  And please get the job.  And please, please, please enjoy it enough for me, too.

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Posted in Doula

A Patch of Birthy Pumpkins

Posted on October 28, 2011
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This gallery contains 6 photos.

I’m usually not too into Halloween, but this year there’s been a plethora of birthy creativity going on at pumpkin carving time.  Check out some of these fantastic creations:     Thanks to each of these families and artists for … Continue reading →

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Mama’s a Sucka (or How My Toddler Walks All Over Me)

Posted on October 26, 2011 | 6 Comments

My 3 year old daughter made two statements yesterday that really smacked of knowing-how-to-manipulate-her-mama.

First, yesterday morning, the clothes she wanted to wear were totally inappropriate for the weather and it just wasn’t gonna fly.  So what does she say, with a stern face and a furrowed brow and a twisted glint in her eye?  ”If you don’t let me, I will cry.”  Uhm, does crying usually get you what you want?  Oh, yeah…it does.  Shit.

Then last night her & her Pa were headed outside to feed the chickens, and she didn’t want to walk the whole 15 feet into the kitchen where I was to get her boots.  So she says to her dad, “Watch this,” and proceeds to scream, “Mommmmyyy!!  Bring me my boots!!”

Now, her boots weren’t actually in the kitchen, because (duh) nothing is ever where you think it is when you live with a 3 year old.  But if they had been, I probably would’ve yelled back something like, “Come get them yourself, my love!” and then proceeded to bring them directly to her after a few seconds.

Yeah, mama’s a sucka.

I spend lots of time mulling over my intentions as a parent, and trying to balance those with the harsh realities of everyday life and the emotional attachment I have to the perfect creature that is my daughter.  The way you think things should be isn’t always the way they are, or even the way they can be.  I want to show my daughter that I will always unconditionally be there for any need she ever has, and yet I want her to have boundaries and guidelines that help her navigate this circus of a world.

So last night, in my head, I had one of those Resolving-To-Get-Tough-And-Not-Be-A-Doormat moments.  I considered spending last night having a How-Badly-Am-I-Screwing-My-Kid-Up-Today moment, but really, how’s that going to help?

Instead, she can get her own boots from the kitchen and wear appropriately warm clothes in the fall.  Or she can go to the hen house without boots and freeze her little butt off today at Montessori in shorts and a tanktop.  Either way, Little Mama’s gonna learn that Big Mama loves her very much, but isn’t her bitch.

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Posted in Radical Parenting

You Have to Look Like a Woman to Buy ‘Plan B’

Posted on October 20, 2011 | 5 Comments

Maybe this was obvious to some folks, but it never occurred to me that a man wouldn’t be able to purchase over-the-counter emergency contraception.

Men can purchase pregnancy tests, yeast infection cream, condoms, and other reproductive health products without question.  But when my partner went to the drug store last month to pick up a dose of Plan B, he was turned away by pharmacists at two different stores because he’s male.  And this is despite the fact that the FDA doesn’t specify who can or cannot buy Plan B, as long as you’re over the age of 18.

My initial reaction to this was a bit astonished.  But evidently, both pharmacists explained to him that men might not use the product for its intended purpose–clearly implying that this was a precaution against someone being forced to use emergency contraception against their will.

Now, looking back, I’m kind of astonished that this didn’t occur to me on my own.  Duh.  Of course there are folks out there who exercise oppressive control over their partners’ reproductive rights.  Of course there are crappy people out there who would be willing to sneak a Plan B pill into somebody’s morning OJ after a risky encounter.

But is this even legal??  According to Continue reading →

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Posted in Birth Control

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The Kids of Occupy Grand Junction – #OccupyGJ

Posted on October 17, 2011
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This gallery contains 21 photos.

I spent two full days this weekend at Occupy Grand Junction, sharing childcare duties, facilitating meetings, and basking in the momentous dissent being voiced here in my small, conservative, western town.  Here are a few images of the kiddos who … Continue reading →

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Bringing Back the BabyBloc: How and Why Kids are an Important Part of the #Occupy Movement

Posted on October 13, 2011 | 5 Comments

This guest post by rad mama Sonya describes her efforts to involve kids and families in the Occupy Minnesota movement, and some of the history of the BabyBloc.  Thanks to Sonya for sharing her experience and for the work she’s doing to insure that this is a multi-generational movement.

when my son was born seven years ago, many people gave me this piece of advice: enjoy him, cuz it’s gonna go fast. he’ll be grown in the blink of an eye.

now, he runs to an intersection near our home in south minneapolis and flags the bus so it doesn’t pull away from the curb before i can catch up and hop on. we set down our packs and bags and trays of food–veggies picked from our garden to donate to the kitchen in the plaza–and i pay our fares on the bus card i get from the county as part of my welfare benefits. a half hour later, we arrive at our other home, our new home. we arrive at the people’s plaza in downtown minneapolis, better known as #occupymn.

we head to the family area on the east side of the plaza. i go through a few boxes and bags of donations. toys, games and art supplies come my way. i’m glad to see a few child-sized jackets. the weather’s been unseasonably warm for october in minneapolis, but it’s only a matter of time before some of the lowest temperatures in the united states blow through. meteorologists are already predicting colder-than-average temps for november and december.

global warming and associated climate instability. just another reason why i’m here.

as soon as i heard that occupy wall street was sending up a shoot in my home town, i knew i wanted to be involved, and i knew how. i wanted to organize a baby bloc, which is a nifty way of saying that i wanted to organize around safety, accessibility, and fun for kids and families. Continue reading →

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Posted in Radical Parenting

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